In my last post, I just told the story of what happened between Nancy and I. I later realized that I never really came to any sort of conclusion. So here it is.
The last time I saw Nancy, I was a freshman in college. From rumors I heard one of her friends (the one who I told about the imaginary boyfriend) had transferred to the university I was at because she had tried to commit suicide at her other university. I was walking on campus during a weekend, and was alone. Nancy must have come to visit her friend because as I was walking I saw the two of them walking together towards me. We passed, I said "hello." A few seconds later I could hear them laughing behind me. It was a sort of laugh that I knew probably had something to do with me, because I had laughed with Nancy like that before.
I hated her then.
I looked back at my high school years and everything that was miserable about them. It was all her fault. I looked at the troubles I was having at the time, and they all seemed to spring from the misery of high school.
I don't hate her anymore.
I still have issues that are probably related to my experience with her. I was once talkative, and friendly. I'm now shy and withdrawn. I don't trust people, and am not near so sure of myself as I would have been.
On the other hand, I am happily married. I have a healthy baby. I have a college degree. I have health and strength. Though I may have been depressed in high school, I'm not depressed anymore. I'm a well adjusted independent adult.
I can see that, had I remained friends with her, my life would have been much different. I don't know what sort of things Nancy did in high school, but the clothes she wore and the friends she kept indicate that her extracurriculars most likely were not entirely wholesome. I can see myself being a better person for the experience I had.
There is a scripture that I read as a senior in high school: Lev. 20:26 "And ye shall be holy unto me: for I the Lord am holy, and have severed you from other people that ye should be mine." When I read this I understood why the whole thing was allowed to happen. I may not understand how, but I know that had I not gone through that mess I would not be the Lord's the way I am today.